CHARLES GRAHAM - Humperdinck’s Euro-high jinks

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ENGELBERT Humperdinck is not a man with something to prove.

At 75 years old he is a British music legend with a string of hits behind him and apparently the largest fan club of any musician in the world.

And after a famous appearance in a humorous beer advert featuring Peter Kay he has also proved that he is comfortable about having the mickey taken out of him.

I can only think that his announcement that he is entering this year’s Eurovision Song Contest has been done, therefore, because he fancies a laugh. Either that or he’s very bored.

Reactions have ranged from delight to horror, some thinking it would be a real coup for the competition, others saying it just shows how desperate the UK has become.

But in all honesty it really doesn’t matter who enters for us anymore because unless large bribes are paid I can’t see our winning the competition ever again, what with Britain’s international standing and the alliances between former Yugoslavian states, Scandinavian countries and Balkan lands which always ensure large amounts of votes which have little relation to song quality and performance.

Mind you, when was the Eurovision Song Contest last (if ever) a paragon of musical excellence?

I know we pretend each year that we don’t care about this tawdry pageant and only watch it for acts’ awfulness and sardonic commentary, but given the amount of publicity given to Engelbert, I think it’s pretty obvious we are.