FORMER Hollyoaks actress Davinia Taylor has revealed all about her difficulty bonding with her newborn son.
The 32-year-old also revealed how she was so desperate, she slit her own wrists.
Davinia, who is the daughter of toilet-roll millionaire Alan Murphy, of Skelmersdale, did an exclusive interview with OK magazine and revealed how she developed pre-natal depression and turned to drink.
She said: “To begin with, I stopped drinking, but after a few months, I started getting manic where I would hit my own head with my fists and pull clumps of my hair out.
“I wouldn’t cry, I would just be numb. I kept thinking if I have a drink, I will be okay.”
She added that she had panic attacks and nightmares and kept shouting at her then husband - David Gardner.
When her son, who is now three, was born, Davinia felt a sense of panic and was scared of harming him.
She added: “I was frightened to death. I was terrified I was going to drop the baby.”
She revealed she started drinking to feel better and she felt guilty when her son developed jaundice and was in an incubator.
But admitted that while she was scared of holding her baby, she could entertain him at a distance.
She said: “I could make him laugh. As long as I was stood back and the baby was surrounded by cushions, then it was okay.”
Her alcoholism got so bad that Davinia collapsed on the street on several occasions, resulting in her bruising her face.
Davinia also revealed that she became so frustrated with life that she slit her wrists in the bath.
Doctors told her she was bipolar and she went to rehab in South Africa.
The one-time party girl, who used to take cocaine, doesn’t drink anymore and she no longer keeps in touch with fellow drinking pal Kate Moss, spending time with tee-total Sadie Frost and admits she is a keep fit junkie.
Davinia recently finalised her divorce with Dave Gardner and is now fighting a custody battle.