Jabbering Journo Column: Get the coffee pot on, it's time to sell the house

Meanwhile, the shed is bulging with hastily stuffed in items. It can only be one thing - the house is going on the market.

I’ve not gone that far, I’m in my process of ‘thinking about it’ which means I haven’t found anywhere to hide my unrealistic mountains of essential stuff and feel like crying at the thought. But the pressure is on.

With the Easter period marking the peak house selling season, I am not alone as householders up and down the land are facing a deeply unrelaxing few weekends doing DIY, polishing and hiding stuff in a bid to meet the high standards of viewers accustomed to the designer interiors of brand new homes.

It has never been more critical to do this after house price growth fell to a seven month low in March (source: Nationwide’s House Price Index), marking the weakest annual growth in house values since August 2017 - at odds with healthy rates of employment growth, modest wage increases and historically low borrowing.

We just lack confidence in taking the leap and it’s easy to see why.

Standards for buyers have never been higher as they compare your home to the trendy interiors of show homes where no-one has ever lived, nobody has any stuff and nobody has ever boiled a kettle let alone a whole family rampaging through on a daily basis, scattering food, possessions and damage liberally as if in a zoo.

Yet wise property experts advise (I’m talking to you Sarah Beeny) that brass and gold taps, geometric patterned tiles and clean freshly painted, fingerprint-free walls are the way to go to sell your house.

A ‘wow’ front door and new-looking bathrooms with shiny taps unlittered with half-used products and uncracked tiles are essential, not to mention new door handles and skirting boards that have not been kicked and scuffed by angry or clumsy feet - never mind the incident with the tequila and some impromptu line dancing.

No pressure. Get the coffee on.