LUKE MARSDEN: the horrifying state of our borough's roads

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Thankfully I didn’t have to buy a round otherwise I’d have had to re-mortgage.

The thing that struck me the most about driving around Essex, though, was just how smooth the roads are. Again, once you get past having to pay £8 for the M6 toll, the drive is worth it not to take chunks out of your tyres.

I wish I could say the same about my return to Wigan.

Without even needing to look at any signs or my sat nav, I knew I was back in the motherland because my car instantly felt unstable, bouncing around like a kid on a bouncy castle.

The state of our roads in Wigan is diabolical.

We shouldn’t call them potholes as this is doing an injustice to some of the craters that have formed. I assume NASA is looking into these.

Wigan Council has a fetish for cycle lanes which is an admirable goal, but they are total menaces to the majority of Wiganers who drive.

Rarely do you see a cyclist actually using these lanes which seem to lead to nowhere. Once again, it's motorists shouldering the brunt of the pain while trying to circumnavigate the black holes that could swallow up our cars at any moment.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve logged these on the council website, I think I should have a membership card by now.

The truth is, if someone from Colchester came to visit Wigan they’d be horrified at the state of our roads. They’d think they were driving through a war-torn country.

At what point do we all start to crowdfund for some Tarmac and attempt to fix them ourselves?

I want to get across town without needing to drive an armoured tank.

And having seen road luxury down south, this columnist is now of the opinion that the only way is indeed Essex…