Wigan mum uses her experience of domestic abuse to help other survivors after setting up charity

Kerry Bamber was just 19 when she began a relationship with the man who would turn out to be controlling and physically attack her while she was pregnant.

Even when they separated and she started a new life, he continued to harass her and was jailed after assaulting her while she was expecting a baby with her new partner.

She is now using her experiences to support other people abused by their partners, as well as to help the perpetrators change their ways.

The relationship began 14 years ago and Kerry, who lives in Golborne, says “everything was fine” until she became pregnant.

“Then things started changing with the relationship,” she said. “It started with controlling behaviour, using me being pregnant as a reason to protect me, but it gradually started becoming physical.

“When the baby was born I was so frightened that something was going to happen to him, so I went into refuge accommodation in Wigan.

“I had been in hospital several times during the pregnancy due to the physical abuse I had suffered.

“People have this idea of a perfect family, that once the baby was here everything would be alright, but I wasn’t willing to take the risk, even being young, because he was so precious to me.”

Kerry stayed in the refuge for a year and left when she met her now-husband James. But the abuse from her ex-partner did not stop there.

She said: “When I got pregnant with my second child, the abuse was unprecedented. He used to turn up at my house at all hours of the day and night.

“It turned up a notch when I got pregnant with my new partner. People think domestic abuse is only in the relationship, but a lot continues after that because they lose control.

“He actually attacked me. I had my 28-week glucose tolerance test at the Thomas Linacre Centre and he was waiting for me outside and assaulted me. He went to prison for that.”

Kerry says her ex-partner “terrorised” her, threatening to burn down her home and daubing graffiti accusing her husband of being a paedophile on a wall close to where they lived.

She said: “I remember feeling so vulnerable when I was pregnant that I never wanted to be pregnant again, because I was so scared.”

Her ex-partner was in prison when the baby was born and Kerry says things finally changed when he was released.

She said: “He went on a probation course as part of his conditions after being released from prison which teaches perpetrators about abuse and they incorporated my thoughts and feelings in that. I think it changed something in him. I saw a change in him after that. We always were able to communicate with each other to parent our child after that.”

The courts granted him access to their son, who is now 13, and Kerry says he has been a “doting dad”, never putting the child at risk.

Kerry said: “He’s quite reasonable. Whatever probation did with him made the difference, I really believe that.”

She has used her experiences to forge a career helping other victims of domestic abuse, now working in a refuge in Wigan, but what happened to her never goes away.

Kerry, 33, said: “Sometimes things come up with some of the men and women we support across our services and it reminds you of something you buried. It brings the emotion up sometimes.”

Despite that, she is keen to show people that they can move on and live life after the abuse.

She has set up a charity named AIM Northwest to support people affected by domestic abuse, after noticing gaps in the services available in the borough.

She said: “Working in a refuge now, I could clearly see there was support missing for victims of domestic abuse and could see there was no support at all to identify why perpetrators were offending.”

Kerry launched a peer mentor service, where people who have previously experienced domestic abuse provide support for those who are experiencing abuse now or suffering from the effects of it.

Mentors can meet people for a coffee to talk and help to reduce social isolation, while there is also telephone support on offer.

She said: “The feedback is that people really appreciate that they have someone to talk to who understands what it is like to live through abuse.

“Lockdown is highlighting domestic abuse a lot more and making people feel more isolated.”

The next step will be putting together a funding bid to look at abusers, why they offend and what can be done.

Kerry said: “The reason I personally wanted to work with perpetrators is because a lot of victims don’t want to split a family apart.

“It’s about keeping people safe together. If that’s what they want to do, stay together, then how can they do that in the safest way possible?

“There are not many courses about that I am aware of.

“I know there are organisations in Manchester and courses prescribed by courts, but there are not many to help those who are abusive to identify why they are being abusive and get help for that.”

As well as helping the adults involved, Kerry thinks the support available could make a real difference to youngsters.

“While their parents may think they are safe in bed when the abuse happens, she says children are still aware.

She said: “My son, even though he was really small, has some really vivid memories of what went on.

“He remembers an incident with his dad when he forced his way into our house. He remembers that even though he was only three.”

To find out more and get support, contact AIM Northwest via Facebook or its website aimnorthwest.org.uk

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