Wigan's World Pie-Eating Championships collapse into chaos as 'woke' health and safety officials ban speed eating

Jennifer Gregory of InnTheBar, which owns Harry’s Bar on Wallgate in Wigan, threatened legal action against its own chief executive, and demanded the competition, UPE 29 (Ultimate Pie Eating), go woke as well as featuring chicken pies following flatulence issues post-previous contests.

"I've been telling that department to wake up for years. They woke up alright, and went well woke on me; she's got a right gob on her," said Piemaster Tony Callaghan, who owns InnTheBar.

"Anyway, I've received health and safety department guidance that competitors have to chew each mouthful of pie 30 times before they swallow to avoid any risk of provoking obesity or any number of other afflictions, and if I don't they'll be getting lawyers onto me.

"I've therefore compromised and agreed to introduce a sprint rule. Once we announce pie-off, competitors will have to nibble at their pies for a period, and then after a pre-determined time we'll blow a whistle and it's a sprint to the finish.

"The pre-determined period before we go into the sprint will be decided by somebody selecting a piece of paper from a pot. Each piece of paper will have written on it the duration of nibbling before we let them rip, and I don't mean farting.

"But as is becoming more and more common, bureaucracy and woke-ness is getting in the way - woke meets VAR fiasco," he said.

Warehouse assistant Barry Rigby, 50, from Wigan gobbled up his third World Pie Eating Championship title at the delayed 2022 World Pie Eating Championships taking home the coveted Bradley Piggins trophy back in January 2023.

Rigby keeps the trophy, which is now replaced by the Poulet Surprise.

"In winning his treble he matched the last championship winning time, pre-pandemic in 2019, set by a monster of the sport Ian Gerrard, 35.4 seconds, a time which may never be beaten if InnTheBar H&S has its woke way," said Callaghan.

This year’s contest takes place on Thursday December 14 at pie noon.

The cooked dimensions of the official regulation pie are a 12cm diameter and 3.5cm depth, and a pie wall angle from base to top of between zero and 15 degrees.