Former Wigan Athletic star brought back from brink of suicide

At his lowest point in July 2016, the 41-year-old stood on the roof of Bury's pre-season base in Portugal, before being brought back by thoughts of his wife Leeona and daughter Lucy, who were at home near Wigan, utterly unaware.

“I was going to jump but I felt Leeona and Lucy pulling me back from afar,” said Kirkland, in a wide-ranging interview with Henry Winter in 'The Times'. “I’ve survived but I know how many players are addicted to painkillers.

“Football - and society - has to tackle the scandal.

“My story is going to shock a lot of people. I shouldn’t be here. Because of the amount I was taking.

"It’s Tramadol so you’re not meant to take any more than 400 milligrams a day, maximum. I was taking 1,000 milligrams of Tramadol a day every day. I was taking 2,500 milligrams a day at Sheffield Wednesday.

“I’d get 100 pills over the internet from India, they were about £300. I’d get through those in a week, easy.

"I’d go to the bottom of my drive and meet the postman and then whack the parcel in my car before Leeona even knew about it.

"They told me when I went to rehab the only reason I am alive is my fitness."

Kirkland first suffered back problems at Liverpool, but it was only after moving to Wigan that it became a major issue.

"It wasn’t until around 2009-10 when I was at Wigan that I first started getting real bad back spasms," he said. "I couldn’t move for a week.

"I had to sleep on the landing stairs. It was like somebody was stabbing me, the worst pain you can imagine. I got some painkillers and anti-inflams. As clubs do, they give you them to help the situation.”

The situation escalated after he moved to Sheffield Wednesday in 2012, and almost reached a tragic conclusion at Bury.

Yet even after being 'clean' for 18 months, he suffered a relapse in 2018.

“Leeona didn’t know," he said. "It got really bad again until she spotted the signs again. I was back up to high doses again, collapsing, hyperventilating, hallucinating. ‘You’re back on them again,’ Leeona said. ‘Yes.’ ‘Right we need to get you proper help. You need to go away to rehab’ ”.

Kirkland received the help he needed at Parkland Place in north Wales and, despite another relapse during lockdown, he is in a much better place now.

With an important message to relay not just the football world but all walks of life.

“There’s a massive problem within society,” he said. “It’s been five months now since I took anything and I feel great.

"I’ve stopped lying and deceiving. It’s a massive weight off my shoulders. I feel my life is starting again.”

Contact CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) for help and support – their helpline and Webchat is open 5pm to midnight, 365 days a year.

Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123, or email [email protected].