LUKE MARSDEN: I don't hold out much hope for England in the Euros

Often times with this column I have a set idea of what I want to write, then something comes crashing into my life, changing what I want to say.

Saturday, 26th June 2021, 4:55 am
I'm unsure at what point my house became a beacon for suicidal pigeons
I'm unsure at what point my house became a beacon for suicidal pigeons

Hours before writing this week’s piece, that exact thing happened.

Once again (it happened last month) a pigeon has decided to kamikaze itself into my window while I was on a Zoom call.

For the second time in my life I’ve had to interrupt a Zoom meeting with the sentence “Oh I think a pigeon has just used my window to kill itself.”

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I’m unsure at what point of living in my house it became a death beacon for suicidal pigeons, but after posting it on social media, it turns out it’s a more common problem than you may think.

I don’t want to blame my window cleaners: they do a cracking job. But perhaps too good of a job as pigeons can’t differentiate between clear skies and my double glazing.

Feeding pigeons and even chasing pigeons as a kid was enjoyable. Scooping a (rather well fed) dead pigeon’s corpse into a triple bagged Iceland carrier bag, is not as enjoyable.

I tried to embrace my national patriotism this week and watch the England Euro matches.

As much as I’d love to see us progress and win the Euros and enjoy the national euphoria that we so desperately need, I simply couldn’t survive the 90 minutes.

The last real life football match I watched was at the DW Stadium and I watched a carrier bag for a good five minutes thinking that was the ball. I think I can safely say football isn’t for me. I have seen a number of people say “it’s coming home” but, from what I did watch, I think my dead pigeon has more chance of doing so.

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